An Unfinished Letter

Hey Father,
It’s me again. Josa.

You know I love You but I struggle to read Your biography. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Laziness? Lack of discipline? Only You know.
They say knowledge is power. They forgot to mention it’s not just power for me but can also be against me. This knowledge is whipping me, well well.

Too occupied to spend quiet time with You. If the devil can’t make me sin he’ll make me busy.

Ashamed, embarrassed and disappointed with where I am spiritually. I desire, crave and mourn that we aren’t as close as I would like us to be. It’s not You, it’s me.

The flesh is weak and the spirit is willing.
More like my flesh is strong and my spirit is yelling. The battle is frustrating to watch. Spirit vs Flesh. My money is on my spirit but the flesh is putting on one hell of a show.

I know what I should be doing but honestly I don’t know what I’m doing. I cry to hear You so clearly that uncertainty evaporates.

Holy Spirit help me please! Abeg.

It takes a minute to accept it’s a journey and I’m at the centre of the process. It’s not every mountain You will remove, You leave some for me to climb. I’m climbing as we speak. I take breaks here and there; mountains aren’t easy to climb you know.

Sometimes I even think of going back down but when I look back and see how far I’ve come. I realised I’ve climbed way to high to give up now. Only time I look down is to see how high I’ve climbed.

Looking down I’m overwhelmed with so much gratitude because it’s not by my own will but his. Thank You Lord for Your consistency, sovereignty and Love.

I’m going to be alright.

Love,
Your son,
Josa.